This is why I am alive today…

 I have another blog that I do called Words of Wisdom.  Each day I post a different quote from one of Dr. Tae Yun Kim‘s books.  Someone asked me why I am not including quotes from other people who say wise things and only from her.  They asked me if I thought that no one else had anything good to say? 

In a nutshell, I am sharing words that helped me, and this is my blog.  I asked them to suspend disbelief and just listen to my story.  Here is the ultra-condensed version… 

I couldn’t find a place where I fit in:  Starting at age 12 in middle school, to high school, to junior college, to university, to my career job at a prestigious Big Name accounting firm.  Nor did I fit in at the bars, the clubs, through the various jobs I worked to put myself through school, with friends, with family.  Once I landed my dream job, which I thought would be my final destination in life, and still felt like I didn’t belong, I had nothing else to put my hope on.  I concluded that I simply didn’t fit in anywhere and would never fit in.  I began to plan how I would end my life, because I just couldn’t take it anymore.  The last 10 years of my life were piling up on me, pushing me to do it.  I had all the proof I needed, there was no glimmer of light on my horizon. 

I didn’t believe in God before, but when I look back at how random the various events were that led me to Jung SuWon, I don’t know how else all of that could have happened if it wasn’t God directing me.  I arrived at Jung SuWon to attend an introductory class.  As I opened the front door to step inside, the man behind me said, “you belong here.”  It felt like slow motion to me as I registered what he said, tried to comprehend how a stranger could say something personal like that to me and then my shock I felt when I turned around and saw that there was no one behind me.  I know that I HEARD THAT VOICE!

So, I had never ever imagined myself taking martial arts classes, but something kept me attending the classes.  Eventually, I started to let down my walls and I let in the good environment and it took a few years, but I found myself believing that voice and finding that I did finally belong somewhere.  Not only just there, but whatever I do now in my life, I have confidence and belief in myself.  My relationship with my family members is beyond amazing, my personal and professional relationships too. 

I no longer believe that complete strangers are laughing and ridiculing me when I go somewhere.  I no longer walk with my eyes looking down for fear of looking up to see everyone around me laughing at me.  I could go on and on…I really don’t know what happened in my life to get me to the point where I believed I was such a terrible person, but I now know that none of that was real. 

I can’t talk about this or write about this without breaking down in tears because that voice was so real and I was SO CLOSE to ending it all.  So, whatever it is about Jung SuWon and all the positive sayings that Great Grandmaster Tae Yun Kim constantly tells her students, it was what I needed and that prevented me from committing the ultimate sin of taking my own life.  I am eternally grateful for that and I have to recognize that and show appreciation for that. 

If I can help just one person in this world not go through with ending their life by sharing Dr. Kim’s words, that is all I ask for.


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